As the first day of school fast approaches, supplies, tech tools, and clothes are flying off the shelves. Many parents, perhaps even you, are already working hard to provide the best support and extracurricular activities. But before the pace accelerates, it's helpful to remember that the most valuable gift children need isn't found in stores or organized activities—it's undistracted doses of parental presence.
What is Parental Presence?
Parental presence is a potent yet frequently overlooked superpower within each of us. It’s not about time management or squeezing another task into an already busy schedule. Presence draws from the inherent wisdom and insight you possess as a parent. This is the essence of what I call "parental presence." It’s not about doing more; it's about being more authentically you. After all, no one understands your child as deeply as you do, making you uniquely positioned to lead them.
Align yourself in this way, and you will feel calm, centered, and capable. You’ll also be in a better position to connect with your children with increased confidence and reduced stress or anxiety, especially during crucial moments. Imagine such a presence as a stream of light that
extends to your children. This light shines with just the right intensity and frequency—neither too much nor too little—illuminating their inner world brilliantly.
The Challenges
Today’s parents face serious challenges. The pressure to excel in every aspect of life often leaves them feeling stretched thin, juggling tasks with little time for rest. Many parents also grapple with feelings of inadequacy, believing they are falling short despite their admirable efforts. Although the digital age offers many benefits, it can also undermine meaningful human connections, making it all the more crucial to be present. Additionally, we are all experiencing increased volatility, uncertainty, and rapid changes in our society. These various challenges can lead to fatigue, stress, and anxiety, negatively impacting both our sense of inner peace and the quality of family time.
Deliberateness
Cultivating presence requires deliberate effort amidst these challenges. Similar to athletes or musicians honing their mental states, present parents invest energy to thrive from within. They take moments to assess their inner landscapes, acknowledging thoughts and emotions. Think of this presenting as a pilot navigating the skies, making necessary adjustments for heightened awareness and visibility, steering clear of autopilot mode, turbulence, and depleted reserves.
Nearly every parent I’ve met over decades in education has earnestly expressed that parenting is their top priority. The real task is to translate this belief into non-judgmental practice aimed at strengthening presence, much like we dedicate time to gym routines or work endeavors. Fortunately, being present doesn’t demand hours of meditation or neglecting other responsibilities. It’s about relieving pressures through small shifts that enhance awareness, energy, and deep intelligence.
Benefits
Special things happen when children feel seen. The sense of being noticed fosters trust and builds a foundation for emotional security. When parents listen and respond empathetically, children develop robust self-worth, empowering them with the will to exert effort and face challenges. The ethical thinking that emerges from their parents’ company guides children to discern right from wrong and to make good decisions.
Further, parental empathy cultivates understanding and respect for others, essential for healthy relationships and life success. Courage arises as children are encouraged to take risks, knowing they have a trustworthy emotional harbor to return to when they drift astray. Present parents also discipline effectively because they are attuned to their own emotions or past conditioning, which in turn makes them less reactive to their children’s triggering behaviors. Simply put, increased presence pays huge dividends.
Pathways to Presence
The great news is that there are countless pathways for strengthening presence. Examples include pausing, breathing, noticing the little things, listening more closely, simplifying schedules, powering down devices, and more. Below, I highlight three strategies that flow from a less utilized pathway; imagination. They take only a few seconds to use and will help you reconnect with yourself and your children in profound ways:
“Find Your Vista Point”
Finding your “Vista Point” involves stepping back from the daily grind to gain a higher
perspective. Imagine standing on high ground, looking out over a landscape. This elevated view helps you see beyond frustrations, providing a clearer vision of your goals and the path ahead.
From this vantage point, you can observe patterns in your child's behavior, reflect on why it’s triggering, discern what kind of help they’re asking for, and make informed decisions. It enables you to respond with patience, recognizing challenging moments as part of their journey toward independence.
Michael Jordan used a similar approach in basketball, visualizing himself above the court to see the game more clearly. Likewise, adopting the "Vista Point" practice can help parents navigate challenges with poise and perspective.
“Design Your Parental Avatar”
"Design Your Avatar" is a creative way to envision the parent you aspire to be. This emotionally rich vision evolves in harmony with your child’s developmental needs. For example, when my daughter was young, I envisioned myself as a towering redwood tree—steady and strong, guiding her through challenges with wisdom. Such visioning calmed me, allowed me to draw strength, and helped me tap into my higher self more often.
You can create your own avatar: perhaps a diligent gardener for middle schoolers, a confident captain for teenagers, or a radiant sun for young adults. The key is to embody this vivid image by engaging with it regularly—before climbing out of bed in the morning, during car rides, or before re-entering home after a long day at the office. Your avatar will empower you to show up as you intend.
“Storify the Day”
Children love stories because they are fun, help them make sense of the world, and provide an age-appropriate way to share and express themselves. Families that engage in storytelling create deeper connections. As a result, children feel seen, learn important values, and become powerful storytellers themselves.
One easy way to integrate storytelling is by "Storifying the Day." Instead of asking, "How was your day?," encourage your children to tell stories about their day—such as winning moments, little adventures, friendships, or obstacles they faced. Storytelling is a wonderful way to delight in each other and learn together without pressure or overwhelm. Just sit back, listen, and let your children blow you away!
The Last Word
Parenting is arguably life’s most important and challenging task. Presence is a superpower at your disposal. It’s not about striving for perfection, cramming more activities, or putting additional pressure on yourself. On the contrary, it’s about honoring your inner wisdom by tapping into it more thoughtfully. The energy invested in being fully present at key moments yields life-giving benefits. The pathways to presence are very achievable. I hope you’re inspired to explore them even more this school year. You won’t regret it!
About the Author: Shaheer Faltas is a father and educational leader who has witnessed the beneficial impact of parental presence across diverse communities. He is also the founder of Present-Parents. Shaheer can be reached at shaheernfaltas@gmail.com.
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