Three Kids' Thoughts on Toy Story 5
"There's a lot of life lessons in there" - Josephine, age 11
Ed. Note: We are sharing this post with you because we were so touched to learn that a former Cyber Civics student remembered an essential lesson from the curriculum when she watched this movie. Our goal is that these are life lessons that last long after they are experienced in the classroom! We are happy to learn that Josephine remembered this one!
I’m popping in for a moment to talk Toy Story 5. l went with my boys and their friend to see it this week, and after hearing their takeaways on the drive home, thought some of our discussion was worth a share here.
As this comes a few weeks post-release of the film, those who wished to read reviews have likely read plenty (or already watched it), so this won’t discuss much about the plot. Instead we’ll dive into what the kids took from the film, and how these aspects speak to the experiences of kids with tech today. Toy Story 5 gives us a lot to chew on.
An aside:
I have long enjoyed this franchise. I remember seeing Toy Story in theaters the weekend it was first released in 1995. I was in high school (and on a date, no less), and despite being older than the target audience, I was utterly transfixed by the story and its ground-breaking animation techniques. I remember driving to Burger King afterward to buy a kids’ meal because they gave out a toy from the film with each purchase. I randomly got Lenny the binoculars, which I put (and kept) on my car dashboard. When that car got stolen a few months later, it wouldn’t by hyperbole to say I was equally upset about losing Lenny. The priorities of a 16-year-old….
I liked the sequel (Toy Story 2) even more. The third film wrapped up the trilogy so perfectly, it was akin to art. My eyes never fail to flood during both the final scene of Toy Story 3, and also the Sarah McLaughlin scene of Toy Story 2. Anyone else? Pixar excels at tugging heartstrings.
My eldest watched the Toy Story shorts repeatedly when he was a toddler (in the repetitive way only toddlers can), so needless to say, these characters were always around us, like extended family.
Then came Toy Story 4…. The third film had ended the story arc so perfectly, that the fourth’s very existence reeked of artistically unnecessary dollar-chasing. My eldest, when viewing it for the first time at age four-and-a-half, burst into sobs at the end when Woody decided to leave the gang.
So… as we mostly pretend the 4th film doesn’t exist, we were all very tentative about seeing the 5th one. Would it be as unnecessary as the 4th? I’m happy to say it did not disappoint - my eldest said it was “as good as the first three and the shorts”. So with that in mind, here we go:
“There’s a lot of life lessons in there. From Cyber Civics too.” - Josephine, age 11
Shouting out this first comment to Diana Graber, Dr. Pamela Rutledge, and their crew at Cyber Civics - both my eldest, Bo, and his friend, Josephine, attend a school that teaches Cyber Civics as part of the curriculum, and I found it heartening that this was comment #1, spoken immediately as we stood to depart our seats in the theater.
When I asked her to expand on her comment, Josephine said:
“We learned in Cyber Civics that when we write something online, it’s there forever and we can’t take it back, so we should think hard about what we post. Those girls didn’t think before they posted those mean things in the chat about Bonnie.” - Josephine, age 11
Yep. Well-assessed, Josephine.
We then discussed whether those girls truly didn’t think, or maybe they didn’t care about her feelings because they weren’t truly her friends. This led to the first “life lesson” of note:
“You Make Friends in Real Life”
Duh, us parents may say. But for kids today, this is absolutely not a given. And this is a massive change from when we were their age.
Many (most) kids who spend time online meet a significant amount of new people there. Many of these “friends” are individuals they’ve never met at all in real life (also enter: the risk of predatory adults who pose as kids online). So how do they know if these online connections are actually friends who care about them, or if they seem friendly but may turn against them at any time (as Bonnie experienced)?
We discussed: could the girls in Bonnie’s text chain have been cruel to her because they weren’t truly her friends? She was in a dance class with them, so they did know each other in real life, but the girls hadn’t decided to plan their sleepover in-person. They hadn’t even hung out in-person. They only connected through the (unrequested) “help” of Lilypad. And this, the kids assessed, is where the problem began.
“You have to get to know someone first in real life to decide if you want to spend time with them. Otherwise, you don’t know if you really want to be their friend”. - Josephine, age 11
I love this takeaway for kids. True, lasting friendships are formed in real life.
But today, this is somewhat harder than it sounds - many potential friends are nose-down in devices. Long gone are the days when all the neighborhood kids are out playing tag, riding bikes, or kicking a ball around the street. Scenes early and late in the film show countless kids and adults, faces bathed in blue light, oblivious to their surroundings, immersed in their screen worlds instead of engaging in-person with others.
In this screen-heavy environment, the online world seems to offer kids the most opportunities for connection. This is not always a bad thing - worthy connections can sometimes be made online, especially for teens and adults. But it’s worth sitting with the fact that these connections are not founded in-person. Especially when made in a chat/text-type format (rather than a video call), they lack the body language, eye contact, and other foundational building blocks of human relationships that create true, lasting connection. And, they require more screen time to connect - the opposite of what we want for our kids.
For parents who hope our children establish deep, lasting friendships, this likely means we have to bring these in-person meet-up opportunities back into their lives.
Suggesting playdates, inviting friends over, hosting gatherings, planning meetups at parks - we have to be proactive, because these won’t be as likely to happen organically anymore (especially if our kids’ schools lack bell-to-bell phone bans, ensuring recesses and lunchtime will be spent nose-down in screens as well). It will likely take our involvement to create and foster environments where kids can connect and relationships can blossom. Real world time together is needed to help our kids establish connections based on real-life compatibility.
“Tech Can Take Over Your Life Really Fast”
Within the first 24 hours that Bonnie had her Lilypad, it seems as if she was already under its spell. Eyes glazed over, distracted responses, reaching for the tablet first and foremost, clutching it to her body as if it were her primary attachment object.
My 7-year-old reacted to this, though not in the way I’d expected.
“Bonnie’s not so good because she wakes up and just grabs the Lilypad to play video games first thing in the morning. She forgets about life and just goes on her screen.” - Dane, age 7
Oh the irony! This is coming from the child who tries to take my phone every morning, and would 1000% be clutching a tablet first thing in the day if he had his own next to his bed (he doesn’t and will not, as he’s particularly prone to losing himself in screens). So I chuckled a bit that this was his first comment.
My main concern was that he judged her personally for it - this is not the lesson I’d intended him to internalize, so this was a good check on my tactics.
He seems to have interpreted that wanting to grab a screen first thing in the morning is a “bad” quality, but that’s not a fair judgement to put upon any kid personally.
Why?
Screen-based tech is DESIGNED TO MAKE KIDS WANT TO USE THEM, and designed to be BETTER THAN REAL LIFE (thank you Richard Freed for this excellent and accurate wording).
Designed by brilliant, highly paid psychologists and human development experts to be impossible for human brains to resist, our children are not in a fair fight for control over today’s screen based technologies. Billions of dollars have been spent making sure they can’t win that battle.
So this was a reminder to me, that when I explain why my answer to requested screen time may be “no”, it’s not a reflection of my child’s personal failing for wanting to use a device.
Instead I must better communicate how they’re designed to remove users’ control over their screens, and how I’m trying to protect against this abuse of his brain and limbic system. The desire to use them incessantly is not “bad,” but is the result of corporations’ intentional, profit-seeking designs.
To begin understanding how these devices were intentionally designed to hack human biology, see Dr. Richard Freed’s Better Than Real Life. For a kid-focused version that does a good job of explaining this, see The Amazing Generation by Jonathan Haidt and Catherine Price.
“Even well-meaning parents can make unfortunate choices”
Bonnie’s parents obviously love her very much. Yet when confronted with their daughter’s heartbreaking inquiry into why no one wants to be her friend, they pick the easiest route to “normalcy” - handing her a device. They don’t try to figure out what lies beneath their daughter’s difficulties, or take steps to help connect her with similar others. They don’t seem to consider the possible downsides to the device, and when things start to go wrong for Bonnie on Lilypad, they seem oblivious to the signs that something’s amiss until she finally confides in them.
In this way, I feel like they reflect a large number of us who are busy, overwhelmed and under-resourced, and so turn to the most available assistant - technology - with the hope it will make everything better.
The kids had some thoughts about this.
“Being different is a good thing. It’s sad Bonnie’s parents got her a Lilypad so she would be like all the other kids. And they didn’t even know anything was wrong. They wouldn’t have known at all, unless she told them.” - Bo, age 11
The kids noted the disconnect between parents and child - even obviously loving ones - underscoring the challenges of parents and kids remaining fully connected in this busy world where we are all pulled in so many opposing directions.
Who was connected to Bonnie? Who knew what she really needed? Her favorite toy, Jessie (who of course lacked any other job besides connecting with her kid - a luxury most real life parents do not have).
The answer to Woody’s question - “Jessie, you know Bonnie best, what do you think she needs?” drives the plot of the film - finding and connecting Bonnie with a like-minded, imaginative playmate (enter the refreshingly delightful new character, Blaze).
It is the toys that achieve this - playing the attuned parent roles in Bonnie’s life that create the conditions for her real life friendship with Blaze to form.
As our kids don’t have magical toys working behind the scenes on their behalf, this task in our own children’s lives of course falls to us. In that way, Jessie models what we parents can do to observe our children’s needs, and help them form and navigate friendships in this tricky age in which they’re growing up.
A Film Critique: *I winced a bit at the wording that Bonnie was “different” and “not like the other kids” because she “needs to play”. Copious academic research studies affirm that ALL children need to play. Not just “different” ones. I wish the wording might have been changed here, so as not to convey that screens are normal, and that only a few “different” 8-year-olds still want to play with toys. As Jessie points out, tech “makes kids grow up too fast” and feel “like they have to stop playing”. That unfortunately is the message most kids are receiving in real life. While this is one of the movie’s welcome pushbacks on tech, this could have been presented/phrased differently for a more meaningful impact, that doesn’t subtly reinforce the screen-saturated status quo as “normal”.
“I liked that Lilypad wasn’t all bad” - Bo, age 11
The movie’s eventual conclusion, that tech can be incredibly helpful when used well, speaks to the immense gray area we’re all navigating as we integrate these technologies into our lives. Perhaps our youth are aware more than most, that some screens can deepen relationships and enrich life, while others can destroy them. It was lovely to see how the film brought this complexity to light.
“Compared to the other villains in other Toy Story movies, I liked how Lilypad wasn’t just pure evil. She was trying to do what was best for Bonnie, but in the wrong way” - Bo, age 11
Lilypad begins as a villain - as self-righteous about her technological superiority as Jessie is about her toy-ness. But like a true Toy Story toy, who exists for the good of their kid, Lilypad transforms as she realizes how she is harming Bonnie.
Eventually, she teams ups with the other new techie characters - the GPS hippo, “Snappy” the camera, and toilet-trainer “Smarty Pants” (representing old-school maps, camera, and messaging capacities), and a fleet of new, high-tech, wifi hub/drone Buzz Lightyears, to help Jessie and the gang connect Bonnie and Blaze. (My boys thought the new Buzzes were great).
These old-school tech toys remind us that the ability to connect others and quickly access information are some of the best aspects of today’s tech.
We adults who lived through Silicon Valley’s tech revolution of the late 90s and early 2000s understand this well.
“Bring back the internet of 2005!” has become a rallying cry for those seeking to reclaim the era when tech truly enhanced and enriched our lives, and served users (rather than designers).
The film was a lovely reminder of that time - the era where we all were optimistic and excited about tech. A time when technologies served human users by deepening and strengthening connections to both information and our real life relationships, and made everything in life easier. Digital cameras! GPS! Texts! Those were revolutionary when they first came on the scene. When comparing today’s tech experiences to that era, most sigh with the realization that tech now complicates our lives perhaps as much as it helps our lives. Getting back to the wonder and helpfulness of 2005-era tech tools is what human-centered tech companies aspire to recapture going forward.
Toy Story 5 didn’t touch on social media or Al, but the film’s messages carry equally into those realms too. It demonstrated very well how technologies that replace or sidestep real life connections ultimately diminish the human experience, but tech that connects and deepens real life experiences can truly enhance it.
The Kids’ Overall Takeaways:
Tech that enhances real life can be a force for good.
Tech that replaces real life can lead to problems.
Tech best serves humans as tools of connection.
Tech that sidesteps necessary processes, like forming real relationships, can lead to weak, misleading, or harmful connections.
Kids make true friends in real life.
Play is amazing.
For a family movie that dives into the complicated tech abyss, these are pretty worthy takeaways.
Thank you Pixar - we’re grateful for these artful films that inspire such discussions and reflection.
And thank you CyberCivics for providing a curriculum schools and families can use to teach kids both digital citizenship and how to use tech well. In a world that otherwise lacks guidance on how to do so, your program is a beacon in the fog - one that apparently sticks with students long after the lesson has ended in the classroom.
Have you seen the film? Drop comments, additions, and feedback in the comments!
Meagan Ramsey - A school-based mental health social worker and teacher, Meg went through the smartphone rollout (and its resulting havoc) with middle schoolers across Los Angeles from 2012-2020. She now speaks and writes on the generational disconnect between parents, kids, and screen-based technologies, sharing tech news and support for parents as we raise our digital kids. She has two boys, ages 11 and 7. Join her for support and resources on her Substack, Catch Us Up (https://catchusup.substack.com/.)
